Family Away From Home

If there's one event in a girls' adulthood that makes her miss her mama, it's moving. (There are actually countless events, but this is the one occurring at the moment). She may be lacking the muscles needed, but trips to Ikea and Target to pick out furniture, bed linens, and bathroom accessories are just a lot less exciting with my mom half the country away. Sending pictures on my Blackberry and receiving gift cards through the mail can only suffice for so much. I want to actually have my mom here to see me wipe out an entire display of 'As Seen on TV' Ped Eggs with my overstuffed cart at Bed Bath and Beyond. The seester Abby would probably appreciate that one too. I miss my mommy. Wah.

And just for the record - I abandoned ship at Bed Bath and Beyond. Because I did, in fact, knock over an abnormally large display that I still believe jumped out of no where, and I was not about to take responsibility for it. So I hit up a few local stores, put my hair up and fedora on, and hoped I wouldn't be recognized when I went back a few hours later for my intended purchases. True story.

One week and counting until moving/vacation to Greece, and I am proud to report I have made some progress on my to-do-list. I should elaborate on my trip, before you begin to assume I'm actually hoarding thousands of dollars for exotic vacations and pretending I'm financially independent so you won't secretly despise me.
I've mentioned my previous job as an au pair - the reason for moving to Long Island. The job itself was temporary, but the place that was created for me in the family is not. I love those two little boys with my whole heart, and I gained so much from my year with them - the most valuable to me being a big, loud, beautiful, Greek-American family. Going beyond the immediate family I lived with, I was welcomed with open arms into the homes of their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents - and I know I always will be. They are the most incredibly compassionate and generous people I've met here, and I am blessed to have them in my life. Aside from my boys, the family lives in Brooklyn, so I may not be able to see them as often as I'd like, but they are such an important part of my life here. I was thrilled for my own family to be able to meet them during a visit last summer - they were able to understand the praises I had been singing since meeting them my first weekend on Long Island.

My YiaYia and Papou

My handsome boys

Our faces sum up it all up

Anyways. Enough of my photo bragging. This family of mine has a house in Greece, where they often stay during the summers, and lucky little Leah is going to pop in for a visit. In terms of funding, you must know that I literally took an extra job last school year, as a high school tutor, to pay for this trip. So do not assume I have my daddy's credit card numbers written down somewhere - it took enduring hours and hours of attempting to decipher broken Urdu, deciphering way too many inappropriate Spanish comments, and relentlessly encouraging effort from punky, know-it-all high school students for me to go to Greece. And I know, before even leaving, that it will be beyond worth it.

After all of this Asian invasion living and endless shifts at the bar, getting off of Long Island for a few weeks cannot come soon enough.

Manic Monday, I Wish it was Sunday

Today was the first day in a while where I've woken up before 10:00. I am truly ashamed. I realize summer is for sleeping in when you're a student, but I have taken this concept to an entirely new level. I need to start setting an alarm clock.
It's Monday, which is justifying why I'm still in bed after over an hour of being awake. Moving day is looming, my room is in shambles, and holyshitIhavesomuchtodothisweek. It is not an easy task to move by yourself. I really should reconsider my chosen single status. Except that it's not happening. Unless prince charming comes along and completely overwhelms me. Or brings me my dream ring wrapped in its little blue box. Then considerations will be made.

It's going to be randoms today, because I'm scatter-brained as it is and I have no earth shattering or enlightening knowledge to even pretend to indulge you in. So my unintelligent, absent-minded randoms for you to waste your time on this dreaded Monday.

1. There are mice in my apartment again. And I may actually be boarder line racist after my living experience here.
2. I did the unthinkable this weekend. I took a drink back because it was too strong. And I am truly ashamed. In my defense, they poured about 8 oz of Captain Mo into my 12 oz pina colada cup, and I had to drive. And once had a very bad night with the Captain.

The Captain has wronged me one too many times

 3. I have found that parking in the lot half a block away keeps me from getting parking tickets (knock on wood). Annoying, and scurry at 3:00 AM, but effective.
4. The most incredibly agitating line a guy can use on me - "I've never met a girl like you before". No shit Sherlock, probably because you've never met anyone from Iowa before. I've heard it as often as I've heard my own name.
5. Speaking of guys, why are you so hesitant to approach girls? We see you looking, can practically read your lips when you comment to your friend, so why do you stay lurking in the corner? One of life's little mysteries. If you're a guy, and you find yourself in this situation, just go talk to her. Trust me on this one. If you're catching her eye that often, she wants you to come over.
6. With all of the social media options we have today, it's really hard to excuse ignoring your sister's text. Because she sees your tweet three hours later, and then questions your ability to tweet and not text. This was big brother Bogger's lesson learned this weekend.
7. Packages from home still make my day.
8. If you stop cleaning just to test your roommates' contribution, or lack there of, you will only end up with a nasty ass bathroom that you can hardly force yourself to use. Just keep cleaning.
9. I can't wait to move. And then go to Greece. #winning
10. I feel like I need a 10th. But I can't think of any more randoms....I have on lavender nail polish.

I started to apologize for my lack of intelligence and organization in this post, but I'm actually not sorry. Give me a break, it's Monday.

The Comfort of Date Night

My Asian roommates never cease to amaze me, but this time their ability to disgust hit an all time low. Still groggy and blurry eyed from my beauty sleep, I stumbled into the kitchen to make my coffee, as I do every morning. Along with mountains of curry, white rice, and other freakish looking edibles consuming the kitchen, was an extra little surprise. They left me none other than a dead fish - laying right. in front. of my coffee pot. I have never really understood the concept of "being this close to throwing up" until I lived with these roommates. I was "this close" to throwing up. I don't really need to explain the fact that I don't appreciate being stared at by any form of animal while making my morning coffee - just know that I am literally counting the days until I move out of China town. 21.

I am more than ready to live sans nasty roommates, and though I've wanted to live alone for a while now, there are some things I miss about living with people...people that I love, and have similar cultural habits to my own. It's been so long since I've actually lived in my parents' home, but I still miss the small comforts of living with my family. It wasn't even always about talking - just knowing they were there. I loved Sunday mornings when my dad and I timed breakfast at the same time - silently skimming the paper and draining the coffee pot together. There was something so calming about falling asleep for an afternoon nap on the living room couch, with the muffled sounds of my mom cooking dinner coming from the kitchen. And there was nothing that my siblings most likely secretly loathed more than me crawling into their laps while they were trying to relax, or having to publicly hold my hand or escort me by the arm as if I was some sort of royalty. Which I should be. But what they don't realize is that those small comforts meant the most to me. And they still do. Just the presence of a loved one is a powerful thing. I indulge in every one of these scenarios each time I visit home.

Knowing I am not going to have those moments here, I have learned to create new comforts for myself. When you start a life over a thousand miles from home, you cannot be afraid to do things on your own. It may initially seem awkward and uncomfortable, but you'll find yourself able to appreciate a different kind of comfort - the comfort of being secure by yourself. For example, I am at Panera Bread right now for dinner...obviously alone, or I would be one rude dinner date blogging away as I ate. I used to feel sorry for the people I saw eating alone, assuming they would never voluntarily be in the situation. Depending on the age box, I would mentally categorize them as either a loner with no friends, a crazy cat lady/bird man (childhood neighbor experience), or the last one living in their social group. I don't think I fall into either of the assumed categories, confirming my new found belief that there is no shame in doing things on your own, such as eating out.

I could have called someone to come out with me tonight. Or I could have stayed in and made dinner in my repulsive Asian invaded kitchen. But I chose to go out to eat by myself, because there's something relaxing about sitting next to this picture window, surrounded by my eclectic company, with a soothing jazz saxophone filling in the conversation lulls. Nothing will ever be able to replace family dinners at home, which is by far my favorite comfort when I'm there, but I've found a new way to find my little moments of comfort in New York.  

My bad ass date and myself

 So don't be afraid to go out on a date with yourself.  Browse the shelves of a local book store, take a walk around the neighborhood, or go out for a coffee. It's not only a great mental break from every day life, but you may discover to enjoy something you've never considered before. And once you get over the weird feeling of being alone, you may find spending time with yourself is not as lonely as it sounds.

Brighter, Hopefully Wealthier, Days Ahead.

I had a pretty lengthy post written out and ready to go, but I wasn't quite happy with it...which is why it's been sitting in my editing box for two days. I can never seem to bring myself to hit that 'publish post' button when I'm not completely satisfied. Anyways, I was going to cave into leaving my standards unsatisfied just this once, until this morning when I read one of my regular blog reads. Not only was it relevant to my unpublished post, but it put its' content into a new perspective, a better perspective...one I feel better about publishing.

Life here is not always easy. I've made that clear. There has been a lot to deal with lately, and it's been difficult to keep an optimistic attitude. I appreciate the life lessons learned here, but the satisfaction of 'learning the hard way' wears off quickly, and sometimes I just want to fucking take the easy way out.

I could sit here and bitch to you all day, but it's not going to make anything better. I could rant about parking tickets, disgusting roommates, eating disorders, family struggles, money issues...but what is it going to do for me? At the very least, annoy my readers, along with making you grateful you chose to keep your ass under your parents roof or a college dorm. What I do need to do now is put things into perspective and look at the big picture. It sounds so cliche, and god knows I hate cliches, but it needs to be done. Yes, life here is hard right now, but no one promised me it would be easy. These roommates will be gone in a few weeks, Garden City cops will finally stop nailing me with parking tickets, and hopefully all of my tip money will not continue to support Nassau County. There is no denying I need to deal with situations right now that I'd rather not be in, but all it takes is a matter of dealing with them to improve them. None of this will last forever - not if I don't let it.

A couple of days ago, for the first time in a very long time, I considered what it would be like leaving New York. It was a fleeting thought that came about in an absent minded moment at work, but for just a few minutes, I allowed myself to imagine a life closer to my family, surrounded by familiar sights, where strangers smile and wave and less seems to revolve around money and power. Such a more simple life. But then I brought myself back to reality and remembered that will probably never happen. I don't know if I can ever realistically picture myself back in the Midwest.
One of the most common questions I get asked is why I left home - and how I'm so sure I won't go back. And aside from my amazeballs, incredible, ridiculous, dysfunctional, close knit family who's love and support I will always have, the answer is simple. I don't feel like I belong there. I always felt by staying in the Midwest, I'd be settling, and I think it's pretty understood by now that lowering standards and settling is just not an option for me.

So yes, life here may be difficult right now, but the difficult part of it is temporary. It honestly does make me question whether or not it's worth it at times, but at the end of the day - it always is. Through all of the drama, heartache, and struggle I go through here, there is purpose. I do not stay because I'm stubborn or feel I have something to prove. I don't simply want to call myself a New Yorker, and if I really desired to do so, there are other options for my life outside of New York. To refer back to cliches - I stay because I feel this is where I'm meant to be right now. There's no other way to describe it. I finally feel as if I belong, and no matter the amount of struggle, walking away from this is not an option.

My words of advice to you? Whatever it is you're dealing with, no matter how big or small the battle is - you do have the power to make it temporary. Seek support from friends, family, your higher power...whatever it takes to get you through. Life may not always make sense, and it certainly is not fair, but as long as it's the life you feel you're meant to live, the difficult times will pass, and there will be much better days to come.

No Day Off for Daddy

Believe me when I tell you that moving halfway across the country by yourself ensures the fact that you are going to learn life lessons the hard way. I make light of it, joking and whining with my signature dramatic flair, but there are times when it's just not funny anymore. As in this morning. My car, Lola, has been faithful to me since day one, but in the last three months it seems the problems never end with her. I was in an accident that has cost me six trips to the body shop...and counting, I've had to get my oil changed, I was backed into in a mall parking lot, and to ice the cake of my car troubles, my battery died this morning. I don't know if I've ever missed my dad more than I have trying to deal with all of this - probably just as much as he dreads seeing my name on his caller ID by now. He most likely wasn't shocked when my "happy father's day" was followed closely by yet another Lola issue.

Anyways, I struggled to keep my tears at bay while on the phone, but after hanging up, I did the only thing that a 22 year old girl missing her daddy can do...I cried. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and ready to push Lola off of the Verrazano Bridge. I recently posted about my last trip to the auto body shop, stressing the importance of getting things done for myself here, and while that holds true, I also have to remember that I'm only human. No, sitting in bed and throwing myself a pitty party may not have been productive, but I needed to do it. I needed those ten minutes to selfishly wallow in my sorrows, letting myself think things couldn't get any worse. Once the tears began to subside and I started to feel a little pathetic, I wiped away my raccoon eyes, found a local Advanced Auto Parts and a saint of a friend to jump start my car, and fixed the problem that had seemed traumatizing only an hour earlier.

Sometimes my life here feels like it's not real. Everything seems to flow effortlessly, and I feel incredible - like I have the world at my fingertips. And then there are times, such as the past couple of weeks, when I feel as if I'm being handed one problem after another, challenging my determination to make it here. But no one forced me to move to New York. It's a choice I made for myself, and as difficult as it may often be, I know it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. As long as I continue to go to bed every night knowing whatever I went through that day was worth me being here, I'm ready to deal with any problem that comes my way. I may need ten minutes to cry in bed, a phone call to my dad, or an opportunity to drop every profanity in the book at the auto body shop, but I'm ready. I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't.