Brighter, Hopefully Wealthier, Days Ahead.

I had a pretty lengthy post written out and ready to go, but I wasn't quite happy with it...which is why it's been sitting in my editing box for two days. I can never seem to bring myself to hit that 'publish post' button when I'm not completely satisfied. Anyways, I was going to cave into leaving my standards unsatisfied just this once, until this morning when I read one of my regular blog reads. Not only was it relevant to my unpublished post, but it put its' content into a new perspective, a better perspective...one I feel better about publishing.

Life here is not always easy. I've made that clear. There has been a lot to deal with lately, and it's been difficult to keep an optimistic attitude. I appreciate the life lessons learned here, but the satisfaction of 'learning the hard way' wears off quickly, and sometimes I just want to fucking take the easy way out.

I could sit here and bitch to you all day, but it's not going to make anything better. I could rant about parking tickets, disgusting roommates, eating disorders, family struggles, money issues...but what is it going to do for me? At the very least, annoy my readers, along with making you grateful you chose to keep your ass under your parents roof or a college dorm. What I do need to do now is put things into perspective and look at the big picture. It sounds so cliche, and god knows I hate cliches, but it needs to be done. Yes, life here is hard right now, but no one promised me it would be easy. These roommates will be gone in a few weeks, Garden City cops will finally stop nailing me with parking tickets, and hopefully all of my tip money will not continue to support Nassau County. There is no denying I need to deal with situations right now that I'd rather not be in, but all it takes is a matter of dealing with them to improve them. None of this will last forever - not if I don't let it.

A couple of days ago, for the first time in a very long time, I considered what it would be like leaving New York. It was a fleeting thought that came about in an absent minded moment at work, but for just a few minutes, I allowed myself to imagine a life closer to my family, surrounded by familiar sights, where strangers smile and wave and less seems to revolve around money and power. Such a more simple life. But then I brought myself back to reality and remembered that will probably never happen. I don't know if I can ever realistically picture myself back in the Midwest.
One of the most common questions I get asked is why I left home - and how I'm so sure I won't go back. And aside from my amazeballs, incredible, ridiculous, dysfunctional, close knit family who's love and support I will always have, the answer is simple. I don't feel like I belong there. I always felt by staying in the Midwest, I'd be settling, and I think it's pretty understood by now that lowering standards and settling is just not an option for me.

So yes, life here may be difficult right now, but the difficult part of it is temporary. It honestly does make me question whether or not it's worth it at times, but at the end of the day - it always is. Through all of the drama, heartache, and struggle I go through here, there is purpose. I do not stay because I'm stubborn or feel I have something to prove. I don't simply want to call myself a New Yorker, and if I really desired to do so, there are other options for my life outside of New York. To refer back to cliches - I stay because I feel this is where I'm meant to be right now. There's no other way to describe it. I finally feel as if I belong, and no matter the amount of struggle, walking away from this is not an option.

My words of advice to you? Whatever it is you're dealing with, no matter how big or small the battle is - you do have the power to make it temporary. Seek support from friends, family, your higher power...whatever it takes to get you through. Life may not always make sense, and it certainly is not fair, but as long as it's the life you feel you're meant to live, the difficult times will pass, and there will be much better days to come.

From Hungover to Happy

What the hell? Is it seriously the last day of June today? Please tell me every calendar I've looked at this morning is incorrect...I cannot believe how fast summer is going.
I'm attempting to write this fighting off a may-jah headache, so my apologies for any error. We all know at this point I'm grammatically incorrect, but I do tend to strive for structure and flow in my writing, and there may not be much of that today. Believe it or not, I think my headache is from waking up a half hour later than usual and not having my coffee on time. If there's one issue in my diet that needs addressing, it is my caffeine addiction...well, coffee addiction actually. It's obnoxious. But I just feel so kewl with my Starbucks' Goldmember Card. It has my name imprinted and everythinggg!

Another issue with my diet lately? Getting it the eff on track. I feel like I've been all over the place physically, and my eating has followed suit. Which would be OK if there wasn't that tiny issue of the ED, and it wasn't swim suit season, and that I actually like being a healthy, happy person. There is one guarantee for when my diet off track, and that is that it will turn me into a very bitchy lady. Don't worry, if you see me on a day to day basis, I'm good at playing pretend.

So my darlings, my advice to getting back on track after days of unhealthy foods, a vacation that consisted of carefree eating, or simply too many nights out at the bars with greasy hangover foods to follow.

Structure - Have a plan, and if you need to, write it down. Aim for 3 main meals, and 2-3 small snacks in between, and include a plethora of nutrients in each meal. Go for whole grains and lean proteins - just be smart dears, you know the rules. A juicy, fatty steak with mashed potatoes is not what I mean by a main meal.

Fruits and Veggies - I don't care if you don't like them - eat them. It is not hard to get your daily fill, you're just being lazy. Throw a banana into your oatmeal, strawberries into yogurt and granola, or munch on an apple in between meals. Veggies are often the hardest to get in, but the easiest to implement with effort. Put some veggies into an omelet, cut up some tomatoes for a grilled cheese, or if you're desperate, top off a pizza slice with lettuce, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes...whatever you can stomach. If you're still struggling to get them in, there are some great juices that have a ridiculous amount of fruits and veggies in them. You need to be careful when selecting a brand - some are just as full of sugar as nutrients. When I'm feeling blah and not in the mood to make an effort, I always pick up a Naked (justtt a coincidence that happens to be the brand of my favorite juice). It's 100% juice, and my favorite flavor, The Green Machine, looks disgusting, but has enough nutrients in it to fulfill even the unhealthiest of eaters. (Oh hey, Myones!)
http://www.nakedjuice.com/#OurJuices/Background/MainMenu/Families/Superfood/bottle2
After you look at that, and then taste its amazingness, you have no excuse to not get in your daily fill of fruits and veggies.

Hydration - this is the easiest to overlook, along with the simplest quota to fill. Drink water, babies. Trust me. Simply doing this will make you feel better. It flushes out your system, gives your skin a healthy glow, and helps you feel full. A lot of times when you feel hungry, you're actually dehydrated, and a tall glass of water is all it takes to suppress that feeling of hunger and avoid a mini meal that you really don't need.

Though I preach structure and routine, and I always have a plan, you have to be able to relax too. No diet is ever going to be perfect, and god knows you need those black out nights with greasy hangover food the next morning. There are going to be days when your veggies are represented by the lettuce on your All American, and that's OK. As long as that's not every day. Putting the effort in here and there to make small changes in your diet will create long term results, helping put your eating on track and establish a more healthy lifestyle. And if a healthy lifestyle makes a less bitchy you, as it does Leah, those changes are priceless.

Not Funny Anymore

Finding balance would be the perfect way to describe what I'm attempting to do today. The last few days have been crazy, and getting my life in order is now my main priority. My lush self indulged a little too much this weekend, first in Brooklyn for a friends' birthday, and then in the city, celebrating gay pride day for the rest of the weekend. So my first healthy choice on this dreaded Monday - detox. No wine or gin for me this week. I need to show my liver a little love and give it a break.

Though the weekend was packed, there is one occurrence that stands out as a highlight. I can finally rest assured that I will not be homeless in one short month, because my future apartment has been found.
Before I go on to the bright future, I must give you a brief summary of my current situation, just so you realize I'm not exaggerating when I claim I've "roughed it" for a year. I knew the living situation wouldn't be perfect, but beggars can't be choosers, and I found a place with the right price tag. Sharing a kitchen and a bathroom, I moved in with three other students, all guys. My father was thrilled. Even though I found out quickly I had assumed the role of the maid, I didn't mind, because we all stayed out of each others' way for the most part. Not realizing I was about to create a whole other issue, I eventually had one of my roommates evicted for smoking pot. A Chinese ESL student moved into his room, and it all went downhill from there. Not only did her friends follow suit, filling up the other two rooms, but their little lovers came with, making it difficult to tell you exactly how many roommates I have. On top of playing maid to approximately 3-5 Asian roommates (who impossibly shed more hair than my mane), the smell of pot has been replaced with the smell of Asian cuisine (almost equally as unpleasant). I am constantly overwhelmed by jabbering and shouts in a language I cannot even begin to decipher, and the endless unrecognizable dishes and food they've left out has led to rodents. It's safe to say my first place is a little less than glamorous. It used to be amusing. It's not anymore.

Except I won't be saying 'please'...

 Thanks to Craigslist, it will all be over soon. Finding an apartment isn't difficult, as long as you're prepared. The key(s) to success - be realistic, and be flexible. Have a price limit, know your absolute must haves, and be willing to compromise on the rest. While my price limit still makes me nauseous, and is considerably higher than I'm spending now, I know that if I'm smart with my budget and maintain the income I do now, I'll be OK. My must haves were tricky to match with my budget, but not an option to meet. I needed a safe neighborhood, no roommates (I'm done playing maid), a separate entrance (if in a private home), my own kitchen and bathroom, and within realistic driving range of my school and two jobs. I compromised some, but that's where the need to be flexible comes in. The apartment is a studio in the lower level of a private home. It's in a great, safe, neighborhood, and the home owners seem reliable and honest. While both the main room and bathroom are freshly painted with newly tiled floors, the size is not a big upgrade from the shoebox bedroom I rent out now - compromise number one. The location is good safety wise, but it is also a 15-20 minute drive to either one of my jobs and school. While these two things are both cons on my list, the list of pros far surpasses them, and prompted me to put down the security and first months' rent this morning. One short month, and the only hair I'll be sweeping up off the floor will be my own.

Finding your own apartment can be overwhelming, and you always need to be aware of scams, especially on Craigslist. But being smart, giving yourself time, and allowing some flexibility and compromise are the best ways to ensure you will eventually find what you're looking for. And a less than fabulous living situation you're currently in (ahem, as in mua) will make the move that much more amazing.

Healthy Little Lush

I wish I could just post a list of randoms every day. For example, a list of things bothering me in Starbucks right now.
1. It's approximately 46 degrees in here.
2. They're playing ridiculous Latin music that makes me feel like I'm on the streets of Madrid.
3. There is a loner of a woman in here who is wandering around and has now cornered a total of four people, bringing up pointless conversation. And that's just since I started counting.
4. The man next to me is shaking his legs with such vigor, I'm convinced he ripped a line before leaving the house this morning.
That is all for my morning rant. (pictured - my annoyed Starbucks face. Attractiveness)

Moving on. Lets talk health. Mainly because food is on the mind. I'm out of groceries, hence my Starbucks breakfast, and I need to make a list anyways. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is vitally important at any age, but being conscious of it is crucial in your early twenties. You have to actively counter late nights often filled with junk food, recover from the happy hours that turn into early mornings at the bars, and somehow catch up on the sleep you never seem to have time for. While these scenarios are all a part of my life, I have a little added boost of incentive keeping myself on track health-wise. I am in the process of recovering from an eating disorder. It is no secret, I am not embarrassed, and thank you but I really don't need any pity. I think the topic is much too taboo, and while my posts will not center around my eating disorder, it plays a critical role in my healthy lifestyle here.
That being said, despite the humor I find in my every day life, my health cannot be taken lightly. When I talk about my diet and fitness patterns, you may see structure that seems a little rigid for a college student who looses track of her gin and tonics on ladies' night, but it's only because structure and planning is required in order to stay on track in recovery. The good thing about dealing with a disorder that can make me feel like a crazy person? I am a bottomless pit of knowledge when it comes to nutrition and fitness. My former obsession and an overwhelming amount of treatment makes me feel as if I could potentially become the next Dr. Oz, except I'd obviously have a more flattering pair of scrubs than his poor choice of a mundane navy blue.

So when I write about living a healthy lifestyle, trust that I am not simply recounting my interpretations of the latest Women's Health. I am writing from experience. After years of struggling, I am finally able to live my life again. I'm going to be 22 year old girl. I'm going to pull all nighters, spend nights getting way too drunk, and comfort my hangovers with a famous New York bagel. And then I'm going to get myself back on track. The key to living a healthy, yet realistic, lifestyle in your early twenties is making it a priority. It does not need to be an obsession, but it cannot be an option. No one is going to force you to eat your veggies anymore, and not everyone is fortunate enough to have a work out buddy as motivation. You need to be willing to make healthy choices, and actually carry through on those decisions. I've said it before, and I now realize it's going to be a theme throughout the blog - You need to do it for yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you.

Randoms Because I Can

Remember that one time I posted on all of my car troubles and how I needed to just get over myself and relax and know that everything is going be OK? Yeah that was nice. And then I woke up the next morning to a nice big parking ticket on my windshield.

I actually did laugh. You honestly cannot make this stuff up.

I feel like I need to tell you a little more about me. Before you think I'm a psychotic profane driven lush with no long term goals for herself. And because it's late/early and my ability to advise and sound wise beyond my years is just not up to par. So my dears, a list of things you should know before I reveal any more of my ridiculous life to you.

• I don't want to work at a sports bar forever. I'm actually graduating this coming spring, and I hope to end up in the publishing/editing/copy writing field...we'll see where this year leads me.
• I originally moved to New York as an au pair for an amazing Greek American family. If I ever refer to my two boys, I am not speaking of my main boyfriends, but rather the two boys I nannied for for a year. I am still absolutely in love with them. 
• I was not forced to leave Iowa - it was a peaceful departure. Though I willingly moved half the country away, my parents, two brothers (one older and one younger), and baby seester are still there, and still the biggest piece of my heart.
• I hate the color brown.
• I cannot function without having coffee in the morning. Every morning. No options.
• As blunt and obnoxious as I've let myself appear to be on through my posts, I actually strongly dislike confrontation. It makes me uncomfortable and anxious, and I'd rather avoid it all together. Except that I can't. And it would be a waste of a skill if I did, because I'm somehow incredibly gifted in the area.
• I don't eat meat off of bones. No T-bone steaks or wing nights for me. Gaross.
• Speaking of gaross, if I ever misspell something on here to the point of you questioning my grammar skills, I assure you it is on purpose. There is a squiggly red line thanks to spell check, and I like to ignore it when I feel I need to express myself beyond Webster's rules.
• Thanks to frequent all nighters throughout the semester and working in bars, I have quite an abnormal sleep schedule. Which is why I'm writing this at four in the morning.

And that is all for now. You really don't need to know some of this stuff, but you may start to wonder after my 17th shopping trip why none of the pieces I've purchased have been the putrid color of brown, or how on earth an English major could make such obvious spelling errors. And now I've broken the expectation that every post is going to be full of my insight, intelligent and thought provoking. I believe I mentioned it in my last post...I am only human.

No Day Off for Daddy

Believe me when I tell you that moving halfway across the country by yourself ensures the fact that you are going to learn life lessons the hard way. I make light of it, joking and whining with my signature dramatic flair, but there are times when it's just not funny anymore. As in this morning. My car, Lola, has been faithful to me since day one, but in the last three months it seems the problems never end with her. I was in an accident that has cost me six trips to the body shop...and counting, I've had to get my oil changed, I was backed into in a mall parking lot, and to ice the cake of my car troubles, my battery died this morning. I don't know if I've ever missed my dad more than I have trying to deal with all of this - probably just as much as he dreads seeing my name on his caller ID by now. He most likely wasn't shocked when my "happy father's day" was followed closely by yet another Lola issue.

Anyways, I struggled to keep my tears at bay while on the phone, but after hanging up, I did the only thing that a 22 year old girl missing her daddy can do...I cried. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and ready to push Lola off of the Verrazano Bridge. I recently posted about my last trip to the auto body shop, stressing the importance of getting things done for myself here, and while that holds true, I also have to remember that I'm only human. No, sitting in bed and throwing myself a pitty party may not have been productive, but I needed to do it. I needed those ten minutes to selfishly wallow in my sorrows, letting myself think things couldn't get any worse. Once the tears began to subside and I started to feel a little pathetic, I wiped away my raccoon eyes, found a local Advanced Auto Parts and a saint of a friend to jump start my car, and fixed the problem that had seemed traumatizing only an hour earlier.

Sometimes my life here feels like it's not real. Everything seems to flow effortlessly, and I feel incredible - like I have the world at my fingertips. And then there are times, such as the past couple of weeks, when I feel as if I'm being handed one problem after another, challenging my determination to make it here. But no one forced me to move to New York. It's a choice I made for myself, and as difficult as it may often be, I know it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. As long as I continue to go to bed every night knowing whatever I went through that day was worth me being here, I'm ready to deal with any problem that comes my way. I may need ten minutes to cry in bed, a phone call to my dad, or an opportunity to drop every profanity in the book at the auto body shop, but I'm ready. I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't.

Luxuries of a Lady

Women joke about it, men complain about it, and there's no denying it. Yes, there are disadvantages, but aside from the whole birthing process, monthly bill, and other weightless arguments a feminist may throw at me, there are some serious advantages to being a woman. I believe we often get so caught up in the negative, we forget the perks of the ta-tas, and that, my ladies, is a mistake.
So get over the fact that you feel violated at the gym, accept the possibility that men may continue to be arrogant and offensive, and forget that you may always be perceived to be less smart, funny, and successful. Put on your big girl panties, prove them wrong, and play up the fabulous perks we are given as women.

We get to paint our nails any color of the rainbow, we can wear the prettiest of dresses without being labeled a tranny, and we are able justify our obnoxious shopping obsession by calling it "therapeutic". Our shoes create the illusion of legs that go on for days, and we can make a blemish disappear with the stroke of a brush. Seats are given up, doors opened, and lines cut - all in the name of being a lady.

One of my favorite advantages - ladies' night at the bar. Not only does it guarantee a good crowd, it's an instant money-saver for nights out with your girls. Depending on the deals of wherever you choose to go, there's usually a minimal cover fee, and discounted drinks once you're in. The bar my girls and I went to last Thursday had a $5.00 cover charge, with free drinks for ladies until one o'clock. You can bet I pounded those gin and tonics once I was in. If it weren't for the two lemon drop shots I insisted on, naturally, I would have spent a total of nothing at the bar that night. Having a 'ladies' night' is a sure way to draw in a crowd, so check out the bars near you for their specials. You'll get a plethora of guys to mingle with without having to work up a sweat trying to get one to buy you an overpriced drink, only to be let down by the fact that he's a cheap douche lord that just wants to get in your pants. Talk about a weight off your shoulders.

Don't get me wrong now readers - I'm a classy girl. I don't wear shirts as dresses, and I take pride in my reputation. But I'm also a smart girl. As I said before, I am aware of the disadvantages women face, but I believe we should focus on the positive. I am a woman, and I'm going to own it. If I have to put up with the crude remarks reminding me I have great boobs, I'm going to milk all my gender has to offer - including endless drinks at the bar.